If We're So In Love, Why Aren't We Happy?: Using Spiritual Principles to Solve Real Problems and Restore Your Passion

Susan Page, a Protestant minister, popular teacher, and bestselling writer on relationships, now turns her hand to a crucial question so many couples face: If we know we love each other, why do we spend so much of our time together arguing, negotiating, or making up? Why, quite simply, aren’t we happy?

Susan has explored this question while working with and observing countless couples struggling in their relationships. She discovered something revolutionary: even the most troubled couples could be enjoying each other if only they would adopt a few simple yet powerful and deeply spiritual principles. Another revelation: it only takes one member of the couple to make this work. Yet another: by adopting these principles and letting go of the popular myths and assumptions about relationships so many of us have been taught, you can not only vastly improve your relationship but develop your own inner sense of self. Your relationship can become your spiritual path.

Those who have followed Susan’s program report that their relationships have become loving again, and that their sense of self-esteem and spiritual development has been deepened. They no longer call what they have with their mate a marriage or relationship but rather a true spiritual partnership. The process outlined here is simple yet profound and is based on what Susan calls five sacred principles or acts that one member or both members of the couple follow, principles that emerge naturally out of the spiritual traditions of Christianity and Buddhism.

Instead of working on solving problems in your relationship, minister/relationship coach Susan Page teaches “Spiritual Partnership,” allowing you to outgrow these problems. Focus on behaving in a spiritual way yourself, rather than fixing your relationship or your partner, and you and your partner will be happier and your relationship will be stronger.

Communication and negotiation don't solve conflicts in love relationships, Page asserts. Rather, make an inner shift yourself--independent of your partner--and learn to "love openly and freely." Her process involves "the Five Sacred Acts of Love":

1. Practice Restraint: refrain from negative, critical, and demanding comments.

2. Act As If: act loving, even if you don't feel like it.

3. Act on Your Own: take care of your own needs.

4. Practice Acceptance: stop trying to change your partner.

5. Cultivate Compassion: understand that your partner's attitudes and behavior are the way they are for good reasons.

The book offers compelling arguments for abandoning the "marketplace" communication style in favor of goodwill, self-care, and a spiritual, harmonious, loving response to your partner. Page takes you step by step through the Spiritual Partnership process, interspersing it with anecdotes and exercises.

"Marriage and loving partnerships are ... for learning how to give and receive love. That's all," writes Page. If We're So in Love, Why Aren't We Happy is highly recommended for anyone who wants to improve a love relationship--from the inside out. --Joan Price