The Monogamy Myth: A Personal Handbook for Recovering from Affairs, Third Edition

Expanded and updated—acclaimed by readers, reviewers, and counselors as the best book to help people struggling to recover from a partner's affair.

For more than 14 years, Peggy Vaughan's book has been heralded as one of the most valuable survival and recovery guides for men or women experiencing a partner's unfaithfulness. Drawing on actual case studies, research, and her own experience, she helps us to understand the stages of suspicion, confrontation, and the healing process necessary to recovery, including rebuilding self-esteem, the marriage/divorce dilemma, and seeking professional help. Also, she shares her proven six-step program for establishing communication between partners that can actually prevent affairs.

Peggy Vaughan revises and expands her book to include more reactions and strategies shared by her readers, updated references (such as to the Monica Lewinsky affair), and an important section on the Internet and its effect on relationships.

Peggy Vaughn, who's been featured on Oprah! and CNN, has helped thousands of folks recover from affairs. As the extramarital-affairs expert behind AOL's "Ask Peggy" forum and as a woman who's been married for 40 years to her high school sweetheart--who cheated on her for seven years while she kidded herself that he was remaining faithful--she certainly knows what she's talking about. She says that to successfully overcome an unfaithful spouse or companion, you have to work through the myths of monogamy. It's not just men, or men who travel a lot on business, or women with supermodel good looks, who cheat. It's people of all ages, all occupations: from pastors to postal workers to, well, presidents. In other words, everyone is at risk for betraying or being betrayed.

Studies conservatively estimate, Vaughan reveals, that 60 percent of men and 40 percent of women will have an affair. "These figures are even more significant when we consider the total number of marriages involved, since it's unlikely that all the men and women having affairs happen to be married to each other," she says. "If even half the women having affairs (or 20 percent) are married to men not included in the 60 percent having affairs, then at least one partner will have an affair in approximately 80 percent of all marriages."

Vaughn outlines the societal causes and supporters of affairs, from the commercialization of sex in every visible nook and cranny of our world to our lifelong tendency to surround sex with secrecy. She also lists the common desperate measures that people take when they suspect they're being cheated on, and why they don't work. (Vaughn herself resorted to becoming a gourmet cook, wearing sexy underwear, and acting like a sex fiend in bed, all to no avail.) She also tells what to expect during a confrontation, and includes copious techniques for rebuilding self-esteem. There's also information about how to choose a marriage counselor or group therapist and, even more important, when to stop seeing one. For couples--especially those with children--debating whether to divorce or remain married, there's plenty of proven guidance to be found here. --Erica Jorgensen